How Many?

When I found out I was expecting Jessica, it was a big shock. We already had three children. We weren’t trying to conceive, in fact we were actively taking measures against conceiving! I hadn’t been feeling well for a few weeks. My cycle had been so irregular for about a year previous to this, that I didn’t take a pregnancy test. I’d done eight the month before, so it seemed pointless buying any more. I’d been getting sharp twinges in my abdomen and felt tired all the time. Kevin made me go to the doctor, where I explained how I’d been feeling. I stated quite firmly that there was no way I could be pregnant…

The very next day, whilst ironing our holiday clothes, I felt a sudden wave of nausea swoop over me. I couldn’t fathom where it had come from. I wasn’t hungry, nor had I eaten too much for lunch. As I sat down to alleviate the dizziness that had accompanied the queasy feeling, my mind wandered back to the previous weekend. My mother-in-law had been round for dinner, and we’d had a glass of wine each. I thought about how, although it was a nice wine, I really hadn’t enjoyed it much. I then thought about how my boobs had been tingly-sore, and how (had it been following a regular four week cycle) my period was late. Everything added up, but I just couldn’t be…could I?

I switched off the iron and bundled my kids into the car. We drove to the nearest pharmacy, where I bought yet another home pregnancy test. Ten minutes later we were back home, the kids were busy munching on biscuits, and I was sitting on the loo, staring in disbelief at the two pink lines that indicated the beginnings of Jessica.

It took about a week for it to sink in, although I think it only took a few days for Kevin. We were never anything but delighted, but it had just taken us by complete surprise. One of the biggest reasons it took me longer to get to grips with it was the thought of people’s reactions. When I was pregnant with Keira someone actually asked me “Do you two not own a TV?” People had been badgering me since she’d arrived with “How long until the next one?” and “Not thinking about number four yet?” Like I was nothing more than a baby machine, squeezing out as many as possible. Like it was anyone’s business but mine and Kevin’s! I steeled myself for the smug ” I knew you’d have another one!” and “So much for stopping at three!” comments that would undoubtedly be made. Then I exhaled and let it wash over me. If it made people feel better about themselves to make such comments, then that was up to them. Nobody was going to dull our joy.

Thankfully, most people seemed excited for us, although I still felt like we had to explain ourselves to some, as though we’d done something wrong! Since we’d given away all our baby things after Keira was finished with them, we had to start from scratch again. Family and friends were very generous though, giving us items that they no longer needed.

We decided not to find out the sex of the baby. We’d found out when having both Andrew and Keira, but didn’t when having Julia. We thought it would be lovely to have a surprise again, seeing as she really was a surprise! Of course we had the usual “What are you hoping for?” to which my answer was always “a baby.” It really didn’t matter to us either way. Why would it? We knew Andrew wanted a brother, so that it would even things up a bit. The girls wanted a sister…because it meant they would get bunk beds!

We had a boy’s name picked out quite early on, which made me wonder if we were indeed having a boy. We’d struggled with boys names for all three previous pregnancies, but had loads of girls names. This time round we couldn’t settle on any one girl’s name though. We didn’t tell anyone the names we had picked out, simply because we didn’t want anyone potentially ruining them for us, as had happened when we were expecting Keira.

It was exciting not knowing the sex of our baby. As we didn’t have space for a nursery, we didn’t need to bother with girly/boyish/gender neutral colour schemes. When it was time to go to the hospital we were both looking forward to the moment when we would find out whether we had a son or a daughter. When Julia was born, Kevin was first to see that she was a girl. He squeezed my arm and said excitedly “We have a daughter, we have a daughter!” It was such a beautiful moment. Not just it’s a girl but a daughter. He was the one to tell me when Jessica arrived too. As she was placed gently in my arms, I just looked at her and thought “Of course! Of course you’re a daughter! You couldn’t have been anyone else!” Although I’d been convinced for so long that we were having a boy, those thoughts just melted away. She was Jessica. We looked at her and knew that was her name.

We’ve agreed that Jessica is our last baby. Our four children are wonderful little human beings, but we’re pretty much at our limit. There’s no way we could squeeze any more in our house without doing some extension work! Plus I’m not sure my body could handle carrying another baby around for nine months! It was harder near the end of the fourth pregnancy. If money and space weren’t an issue, and if my body could stand the strain, it’s possible we may have decided to have another. You never know – what’s for you won’t go by you. After the shock of finding out about Jessica, nothing would surprise me now. If anyone else did come along, he/she would be as loved and as wanted as the rest.

And in case you’re wondering – the girls did indeed get their bunk beds!

Holiday highlights

Last week we got back from a lovely two-week holiday in the Scottish Highlands. We frequently holiday there, as my husband’s parents live there and often invite us to visit. The children see it as their second home and we always get the “we wish we lived here” exclamations when it’s close to leaving time. I know how they feel – I never want to leave either!

In the middle of nowhere, with the river flowing right outside, we couldn’t ask for a more beautiful location. You’d think it would be silent, with no-one around but the friendly elderly couple next door, but you’d be wrong! The bees buzz, crickets chirp and the river babbles endlessly. One of the loveliest sounds is the constant birdsong – so many different birds chattering, chirping and singing. At night the owl hoots nearby.

During our stay we saw the riverbank, garden and adjoining field teeming with wildlife. Toads, dragonflies, the aforementioned birds, ducks and deer with their babies, as well as buzzards, a weasel and even an elusive red squirrel! Nature was well and truly in its prime.

One of the advantages of having a place to stay, is that it acts as a jumping off point for day trips to the surrounding area.

My favourite place to visit is Ullapool, a port town on the North-Western coast. We’ve visited a few times now and I still gasp at the beauty of it as we drive over the hill and see Loch Broom leading out to the North Atlantic, framed by the stunning mountains.

Whilst there we went to The White Rabbit, a local junk/antique shop. We go in here every time we visit – Julia and I could quite easily spend hours trawling through the Aladdin’s cave of treasures. Last time we were there I came across a beautiful picture of a scene from The Snow Queen, which now hangs proudly on my living room wall. This time around Kevin spotted a basket of Harris Tweed yarn cones going for next-to-nothing, so I bought three to use in my weaving. It would have been rude not to!

A short hike into the hills, a trip to the Ullapool bookshop and an ice-cream cone on the pebbled beach completed our day. It’s what we’ve done every other time we’ve visited and I love that we’ll always have these memories.

One of our other favourite places is Dornoch, on the East coast. It’s a beautiful little town with an amazing beach: grassy sand dunes, seaweed, rocks and huge crashing waves. We took a picnic with us and settled in our spot for the afternoon. The children all had great fun frolicking in the sea and building sandcastles. Jessica kept running off towards the sea with her spade – I wonder if that big briny blue called to my little mermaid as it does to me. Andrew was in up to his waist and then fell in. Luckily I’d packed a change of clothes for them all!

Whilst Kevin and the children played with the frisbee, I took the opportunity to read up on sea magic and cast a spell. Interestingly, Dornoch is the site of the last legal witch-burning in Scotland. In the garden of the last house before you reach the beach there is a stone which marks the site, along with a plaque telling of the events which took place. It’s quite sad and it highlighted how lucky I am to live in a time and part of the world where I’m free to practise magick without being persecuted for it.

Our Highland holiday was the perfect setting for some magick. It was also a great place to practise our campfire-building skills. The children learned how to build and start a fire on our holiday last year. Since we are intending to go camping a lot, Kevin bought a ghillie kettle for us to cook with, so we thought we’d give it a try. It was brilliant! We ended up using it several times. Who knew that hot chocolate made in the middle of a field would taste so good!

We really enjoyed our holiday in the Highlands. Our day trips were great fun, but it was also lovely to slow down and just enjoy being together. We played games, read books, watched films, baked and did a LOT of drawing. I always find that my time up there helps me reevaluate the important things and makes it easier to let go of the trivia that can sometimes weigh us down in our everyday lives. As the river flows ceaselessly past, any worries or stresses are carried away with it, leaving only peace and happiness…and little faces with hot chocolate moustaches.

What is your favourite way to spend your holiday?

We’re going on a Gruffalo hunt!

The Gruffalo by Julia Donaldson is one of our favourite stories. We also love the sequel – The Gruffalo’s Child – and we have copies of both in Standard English and in Scots.

It tells the story of a mouse having a wee saunter through a wood. He meets (in turn) a fox, an owl, and a snake. They all invite him to dine with them, when really they intend to have him for their dinner! He declines each invitation by saying that he is going to meet a Gruffalo, and then goes on to describe it as a terrifying creature that likes to eat foxes/owls/snakes. He has of course made up the fearsome sounding beast, but then actually meets one! The Gruffalo also wants to eat the mouse, but the mouse has a cunning plan to get out of his sticky situation.

Since Andrew was around eighteen months old, we’ve been going on Gruffalo hunts when we do a particular forest walk in the Highlands. We’ve never come across any Gruffalo…until now!

I bought these two Bajo figures when they were on special offer, as I thought they would go perfectly with our books. The children love to play with the figures as we read the story together, as well as make up new adventures for the Gruffalo and the mouse.

Keira was determined to take them on our next walk through the wood, so that’s just what we did. She took charge of the mouse figure, and recited the story from memory as we walked along.

Andrew, Julia and I ran ahead to hide the animals that the mouse would meet on his journey. The fox was near his underground house, the owl was in his treetop house, and the snake was in his logpile house.

Keira had great fun seeking out the three animals, and acting out the dialogue between them and the mouse. She flitted flawlessly between the Standard English and the Scots version, which was so cute!

Then we got to the “Oh help, oh no, it’s a Gruffalo!” We’d finally met a Gruffalo in our Gruffalo wood!

We continued our walk and acted out the rest of the story. I won’t spoil it for you by saying how the mouse gets out of being eaten, but I will say his clever plan works, and at last he finds a nut “and the nut wis braw.”

When we reached the end of our walk, we sat by the pond and read the story together, whilst being eaten alive by midges! (Welcome to a Scottish Summer!) Jessica was too busy growling at every dog that passed to really pay attention, but she was wearing her Gruffalo puddlesuit, so took part in her own way.

We had great fun reenacting one of our favourite stories as a family, and have plans to do so many times over in the future. My kids have been chattering away excitedly over which story to do next, and how we’re going to do it. They have great imaginations, and often play out their favourite books and films – sometimes with Lego, sometimes with sticks, but most of the time no props are needed at all!

Do you have a favourite family story you could act out? Perhaps you did so as a child. I’d love to hear your ideas and memories in the comments.

Thank You and Hello!

I realised the other day that I now have over 50 followers! I don’t quite know how that happened, but I’m so pleased and thankful that you’ve all taken time out of your lives to have a read at my musings. I’m thinking that if I ever get to 100 followers, I may do a wee giveaway of sorts – possibly something that fits in with my whole eco-warrior self!

A while back I wrote a post called Bright Blogging Days, where I outlined my plans for how my blog was going to look. It started off well, but life got in the way and my writing fell by the wayside. I’m taking back control though, so expect more regular posts from me – on anything and everything!

I also realised that although I talk about my life and family a lot, I haven’t actually said much about us as individuals and how we fit together.

So here goes!

I’m Mags, a SAHM to 4 children, and I’m currently exploring my witchy side. I love to see the beauty in nature, as well as observe how people act towards one another. I’m happiest pottering around at home or in my garden, although I won’t say no to a night at the karaoke, especially if cocktails are involved! My family are everything to me, and although I’m fairly laidback, I’d willingly fight anyone who threatened their happiness!

My husband is Kevin, and he’s the cleverest person I know! He’s a lecturer and researcher in the Aerospace department at a well-established university. He also does a lot of outreach in his role as a STEM ambassador. Patient and mild-mannered, he’s a brilliant role-model for our children, and he does his utmost to make sure we’re all happy. He started us on our eco journey before we were married, and has been the brains behind a lot of the positive changes we’ve made. We’ll be celebrating 12 years of marriage at the end of this month!

Andrew is our oldest child, and our only boy. At 9-and-a-half, he is intent on becoming a marine biologist – a famous one at that! His dream is to swim with sharks, and he’ll happily talk for hours on the subject, his brain soaking up and retaining any fact he reads. He reads anything he comes across, including Shakespeare (the children’s versions) and Dickens (the original versions.) My little man is also a whizz with Lego, and can build anything he thinks up, with only his imagination as his guide. He’s quiet and patient – a virtue needed with 3 sisters raiding his room on a daily basis! When he finds something funny, his infectious giggles can send a ripple of laughter through a room in seconds.

7-and-a-half-year-old Julia is our oldest daughter. I’d describe her as a free spirit with a built-in risk assessment feature! Out of all of my children she’s the most interested in my witchy explorations. She’s started collecting crystals and stones, determined to find out as much as she can about them. She’s extremely tactile, and will generally use her hands to look at something. She has her own ideas about fashion and hobbies, and it’s my aim to encourage her to believe in herself more. She can be quiet, but is very observant about her surroundings – about people in particular. She can be a bit of a worrier, but she also has a knack for calming people down with a simple cuddle, or by slipping her small hand into yours.

Keira is our 5-and-a-half-year-old whirlwind! She literally bounces around from the minute she wakes up until the minute she goes to bed. Her cheeky smile lights up her whole face, and she moves through the day singing, and living in her own little rainbows-and-unicorns world! She is also scarily clever! She could write at the age of 3, and exceeded expectations in all areas on her first school report card. She loves being a big sister, and spends a lot of time teaching her baby sister how to make funny faces.

Jessica is the baby. At 16 months, she’s developing her own wee personality. She’s finding her place in our family, and will quite happily “join in” with the conversation at the dinner table. She loves to play, which usually involves chewing on her toys and then hiding them in my wellies!

Family time is important to Kevin and I, and we make sure that we create time for talking about the serious issues with our children, as well as playing games, reading stories, or simply being available for a cuddle. Our children are great kids – they are loving, empathetic, and understand what fairness looks like. They are often complimented on their behaviour and manners when we’re out, and I have no problem taking part of the credit for that! They also bicker, annoy each other, and somehow manage to smear toothpaste on the loo when brushing their teeth! They make our family what it is though – toothpaste-smeared loo and all!

So there you have it – my beautiful little family. As in previous posts, I’ll be mentioning them a lot, so hopefully I’ve painted a picture of who we are and how we work!

Thanks for reading and sticking with me. Stay tuned for various musings, family antics, and lots more!

Do you believe in faeries? – a Litha celebration

The wheel of the year continues to turn, and we have once again arrived at Litha – the Summer Solstice. The sun at its highest point brings us the longest day, and we can bask in the beauty of the flora and fauna all around us. Bees are buzzing, flowers are blooming, and fruits and vegetables are flourishing. If you are patient and still, you may even catch a glimpse of the faery folk.

This Midsummer’s day we have celebrated by focusing on the magick of the faeries. My little rays have an unwavering belief in the fae, as do I, so it seemed a fitting way for us to honour this Sabbat.

I started by setting up an invitation to play for the two older girls. (My biggest ray opted to do something else; fairy* play is open to all in our house.)

The book is based on the stunning Flower Fairy illustrations by Cecily Mary Barker. It has magical doors which give little glimpses of the fairies and their world. I included little fairy figures and used Grimms and Grapat wooden toys for the scenery. My littlest-middle had a wee play with it, but was desperate to get outside. Ah well, it looked pretty at least!

The next part of our celebration was educational. I read them Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream – the comic book version! We sat on the grass in the sunshine and the children marvelled at the pictures. They laughed at Bottom and Puck, and cheered when everyone married the one they loved. The book is a great way to introduce young children to the genius of William Shakespeare.

Once we had faeries and magick well and truly on the brain, we cast a summoning spell, inviting the fae to linger in our garden. We gathered flowers, and used leaves and grass to wrap them up into little parcels. We then recited our spell and left the parcels on some rocks.

The children checked on the parcels at least seven times before it was time to come in, and I’ve no doubt it will be the first thing they want to check on tomorrow morning!

We talked about the different flowers that are associated with Litha, and my two middle rays wanted to draw them. They pulled out our Usborne Flower Spotters Cards to look at how the stems, leaves, buds, and petals are formed in each one. They looked at daisies, honeysuckle, lillies, and roses. Out came the felt-tipped pens for some flowery artwork.

Once my wee rays were tucked up and dreaming, I took myself back out to the garden for some quiet reflection time and an oracle reading. Usually I stick to a one/two card spread for my readings, but I came across a specific spread for Litha on ethony.com, so decided to try it out. I found it to be quite uplifting, especially as each randomly-drawn card complimented the next. I ended up with the most detailed reading I’ve ever done. I’m really loving my Earth Magic oracle cards, and the more I use them, the more enlightenment I receive from them.

Just as I’m becoming more acquainted with my oracle deck, the Sabbats are becoming a more permanent fixture in my life. There are so many different ways to celebrate each one, and I’m enjoying exploring those different ways. Most people tend to focus on solar imagery for Litha, but the faeries were calling out to me this year. I also found it a great way to introduce my wee rays to this particular Sabbat.

However you’ve celebrated the longest day, I hope you’ve had as much fun as us!

* I’ve used fairy when talking about the book title and pretend play. I use faery/fae when talking about the spiritual folk – wee, flower, or otherworldly.

Possibilities

I’ve been quiet for the past month, but there’s been a lot going on! I can’t disclose all of it at the moment, but be assured it’s all positive.

First of all – my husband got a new job! It came out of the blue, and all happened very quickly. He’s been working at a university as a research associate for the past four years, playing about with planetary drills and robots! I’m playing it down, but he’s actually a super clever guy, and is always looking for ways to develop new technology. He has a PhD in robotics, although rarely uses his title.

That’s about to change, as recently he was advised to apply for a lecturing post that had suddenly opened up. These posts are few and far between, and usually only become available when someone either retires or relocates. He got the job, as I knew he would. This means that he now has a permanent position at the university, instead of having to apply for funding every year or so to keep his job. He’ll need to get used to people calling him Dr! It also means more stability for us, since I’m still doing the SAHM thing!

That could also change sooner than we expected! After toying with a few ideas, I had sort of made my mind up that I would go back to teaching when my littlest ray starts school. I was initially a bit apprehensive about this, as it’s been a long time since I’ve been in the classroom. The curriculum has changed, policies have changed, plus my referees have now retired, so references will be a problem.

I found a refresher course at a local university though, which helps teachers who have been out of the classroom with new policies, plus gives help and advice when it comes to applying for jobs. This eased my mind a bit, and I began to look forward to the thought of being in the classroom again.

Then I stumbled across something which threw me a bit of a curve ball: Forest School.

Forest School is where children can learn in an outdoor environment, usually woodland. They learn survival skills through different games, plus anything which is covered on a typical curriculum can be incorporated into their surroundings. They get fresh air, will learn about nature in a natural environment, plus have plenty of opportunity to run around and just be kids.

Forest Schools are run by Forest School practitioners, whose training includes outdoor safety and working with children. It sounded right up my street! I did a bit of digging on the entry requirements, and was over the moon to discover that one of them is a teaching qualification. It will be at least a year before I would consider doing the training, so I have plenty of time to make my mind up about whether or not it’s something I’ll pursue. At the moment I’m really excited at the thought of being able to work outdoors, yet still put my diploma to good use. I’ll also be able to take my littlest ray with me to work, as well as my older three during school holidays.

I love that life is full of possibilities. One decision can be the beginning of something wonderful. It can also have the opposite effect, which is why some decisions are very hard to make. You’ll never know whether they’ll pay off if you don’t take a risk once in a while though. My husband and I are currently in the process of making one of these decisions. It could either go horribly wrong, or be the best decision we ever make. I can’t say much else on the matter at the moment, as it’s a very personal consideration. I’ll disclose everything once we’ve reached a decision either way though. (I know you kind of hate me for leaving you hanging right now, but I completely understand. 😉)

Its good to have options, and we count ourselves very lucky, as some are not as fortunate to have choices in life. All we can do is live our lives in a way that makes us happy, without harming others. For us, this means the best possible life for our children, giving them the freedom to live their lives as they choose, and showing them the importance of looking after our planet.

Where will life take you today?

An Ostara Celebration

The Spring Equinox is upon us, bringing lengthening days and the hope of a fruitful growing season. Light and dark are equal, bringing balance for a fleeting moment, before the light triumphs. Seeds are sprouting tiny green shoots, trees are budding, and animals are emerging from their dens. The earth is warming up; nature’s incubator at the ready.

As with the other festivals on the Wheel of the Year, I wanted to mark the occasion. The wonderful thing about the pagan festivities is that they open themselves up to so many different ways of honouring them. I decided to keep it fairly simple, since I’m only starting out. I have my eye on some more involved rituals for future celebrations, but for now my priority is getting a feel for each Sabbat and identifying which facets work for me.

I focussed on some of the more well-known symbols of Ostara:

  • eggs and rabbits/hares for fertility
  • candles to welcome back the light
  • flowers as a representation of the warming earth and its bounty

Myself and my wee rays dyed some boiled eggs last night, then feasted on them for breakfast this morning. The children squealed with delight as I served them up – I foresee colourful breakfasts becoming a more regular affair!

As the children ate, I read to them from Wendy Pfeffer’s A New Beginning: Celebrating the Spring Equinox. We learned how people celebrated the end of Winter thousands of years ago, and how different cultures had their own rituals – some of which still hold fast today!

We then set up a mini Ostara altar, using an empty egg carton for the main structure. We filled it with some of the colourful eggs, chocolate mini eggs, candles, and flowers. My littlest-middle helped me to collect some moss from the garden, and we added that too.

I also had the main display set up in the living room – flowers, more candles and chocolate eggs, a wooden rabbit (procured from my littlest ray’s toy box for the day), and my celebration ring (adorned with a bee, a ladybird, and a butterfly.)

When the children arrived home from school, we scampered into the garden, where we planted some seeds at the time the equinox occurred. (16:15) While doing so, we conducted a growing spell, summoning the elements to bestow on us a plentiful growing season.

We then came in for dinner – mini quiches, followed by chocolate mini eggs for pudding…all in keeping with the egg symbolism.

After dinner, we all traipsed into the girls’ bedroom, where we had a lovely view of the sun setting before bedtime.

Here in Scotland, we had a beautiful day for our Ostara celebrations. It was an apt welcome to the growing season, and hopefully a sign of things to come.

Happy Ostara to you all!